Drawing. A skill. A hobby. A
passion.
Ever since I was a child, it was
the only thing I could do. As far as I can recall, I have a big supply of
crayons, pencils & papers; even colored chalk and a black board. When I was
in kindergarten, I was part of a national drawing competition for youngsters. I
can’t exactly bring to mind how did that happen but I think my parents got me
into it. I remember that incident where my father was training me even if
there’s no power supply due to nationwide crisis. We literally burned the
midnight oil just so I could secure a place and luckily I think the sacrifice
paid off. I can’t recollect if I won the grand prize but if I’ll base it on the
medal in the storage box and the big trophy I was holding in my childhood
pictures, I think I did. The trophy wasn't in my possession though; my teacher
brought it in her home according to my mother.
What did I draw back then? It was
a house. A native house... a nipa hut (bahay kubo) to be exact, with all the
fruits & vegetables that comes with it.
It was not my intention to take
up Architecture, not until I was in high school. Whenever somebody ask me what
I want to be when I grew up, I always tell them I want to be a Fashion
Designer. Probably because when I was a child, I love playing with
dolls, dressing them up & everything. But a person changes his/her mind as
he/she grows up. I grew up. I didn't play with dolls anymore. Television became
my playmate and watching cartoons & animes has been my past time (until now
XD). And slam book has been a big part of a student, both elementary & high
school, life. In the part where they’ll ask you what you want to take up, I
find myself writing Fine Arts every time.
I was a big, big fan of anime and
I was always imagining myself creating those characters. I even have a
portfolio of my drawings of Dragon Ball, Sailor Moon, Ghost Fighter, Flame of
Recca, Card Captor Sakura, Hunter X Hunter, Slam Dunk & other famous series
that grazed the Philippine television back then. My portfolio was gone now coz
I gave it to my nephew, but if I have spare time, I draw on my sketchpad.
I was entering my last year in
highschool when we were told that we have a new subject. Although I did take
that up when I was a highschool freshman in a special science highschool, I
never really did take it seriously. But I have learned a lot from it that I
used it as a tool when we were told that we have a Drafting subject. I was
deeply immersed on it... maybe because our instructor was really good or maybe
because it’s still drawing; the one thing that I really love doing. Then one
day, my teacher approached me while we were working on a simple floor plan. He
suddenly asked what will I take up in college and I said, “Architecture”. It
was sudden but I feel so sure when I blurted it out. And when I look up to my
teacher, he was smiling and said that I’ll be good in it.
It was one of the reasons why
when I take up college entrance exams from different universities, Architecture
was always my first choice. Although I failed to make it in UP due to the fact
that it’s a quota course and I didn't even tried in UST coz of its high
tuition, I did make it to TUP & PUP. But I chose PUP coz it’s economical.
And Architecture is an expensive course with all the drawing materials needed
for it and enrolling in a state university is practical.
Architecture is a 5 year course
with a board exam after 2 years of working experience when you graduate. I
thought it was easy, that my college life’s smooth sailing. But I was wrong. It
took me 8 years to finish it. My family & friends blame it all to one
thing. My distraction. Super Junior.
But I never did, not even once. What they don’t understand is that SJ’s my
savior... the driving force that will finally made me join the coming mid-year
graduation.
Super Junior debuted in November
2005; I was in my 2nd semester as a college freshman. I was not yet
a fan. Even when 2006 came, as far as I can remember, I was still a fan of JPop
(Arashi to be exact) & F4 of Taiwan was dominating the country like crazy. Then
2007 came. Although I’m still not yet a fan, it was the turning point of my
college life. I failed the Architecture Qualifying Exam, an exam that will
determine if a student should pursue the studies in the next year. It was like
my dreams were shattered into pieces and I thought that I can’t be an Architect
anymore. I cried... my friends cried coz we all thought it’s the end of the
world. Fortunately, all those who failed will still be accommodated with the
condition that he/she’s on probation and no more block section.
2008. I was separated from my
blockmates/friends. I was always alone. I was more shy than I used to be. I
don’t mingle much with my new classmates. I feel like an outcast. I find
comfort watching music shows on cable channels. It was there that I saw this
group in an MV. I don’t know their name but one thing that caught my attention,
aside from the cute video, was that they are so many. And the song was
spreading a happy mood. Then I saw them again in another music video, a very
different one from the first I saw them with.
Whenever a fellow fan asks me how
I became a Super Junior fan, I always tell them that it was through Neorago(It’s You) MV back in 2009. Although I first saw them in Haengbok (Happiness)
MV then Don Don, I wasn't really into them as I've already explained in one of
my entries. It was really the following year, the time they were slowly being
recognized worldwide, that I can call myself a fan. And it was also the time I
was starting to pick up the pieces of my college life. I started opening up
& making friends with my new block mates. And I was back where I came
from... I reunited with my former original blockmates. My 4th year was
a blast.
All along I thought it’s going to
be the same the next year, but 2010 was not. It’s our final year and it only
meant one thing, THESIS. I manage to come up with a proposal and luckily I
somehow passed the 1st deliberation during the 1st
semester. But I failed on the 2nd semester and with that I became an
irregular student. I won’t be able to graduate on time and that I have to spend
another year for my thesis subject. That feeling I felt when I failed the AQE
in 2007, came back all over again. I was depressed plus the fact that something
came up in the family.
That dreadful feeling that I won't be able to do the only thing that I love... that I'm good at... I feel like dying. It's like my breath was being sucked from me. And Super Junior was my escape from reality. I found
comfort in their music even though I don’t understand any words their saying.
And that’s when I knew I became not just a fan but an Ever Lasting Friend... an
ELF.
2011. I have lost my desire... my
dream of becoming an architect. I was so immersed in the fandom. Probably
because I was new and it was the first for me, I’d spent almost 24/7 talking to
fellow ELFs. But I was still attending classes for the 2nd semester of
my thesis subject just for the heck of it. My parents thought I was working on
my project whenever I use my computer but I’m not. I have plenty of alibis
whenever they asked what I’m doing and I’m not proud of it. My friends were
disappointed to the point that they were scolding me to the core and I have to
cut my communications to them. When my parents and friends found out what I’m
into, they blame Super Junior for what I have become. But I never did. If
there’s someone to blame, it was me.
For a year, it was like a
tug-of-war between me & my fangirling versus my family & friends. I was
distracted, yes, but it’s not the boys fault if I was carried away with the
distraction. It’s my decision to be distracted... it was me who “ruined” my
life... and although the people around me think otherwise, they have finally
accepted the fact that I won’t give up on my new found love. And one of the
things that the fandom & the boys taught me is to believe. Believe in
myself and not give up easily... believe that miracles can happen and hope
really springs eternal...
I found the courage to stand up
from where I fell on. I started to pick up the pieces of my life, again. I
found my way back to my dream... with the voices of 15 angels guiding me to it. God gave me Super Junior to show me the
way back to my goal. It was because of them that I manage to face my ordeal...
my last and only chance to fulfill my aspirations in life. It was them who
stood by me during my sleepless nights making my floor plans. And if there’s a
song that keeps me motivated all throughout those days and nights and all these
years, its MIRACLE. The only song that automatically plays inside my head
whenever I feel like something good’s happening or about to come. The song of
my soul.
And now that I’m going to
graduate and start a new chapter in my life where I’ll get to deal with real
beams, columns and roofs and not just detailed drawings... I can hear it
playing again. Life really couldn't get any better.
