LOOKING FOR THE DAY

I’m not looking for a man who will shower me with expensive gifts. A book from my favorite author would be enough.

I’m not looking for a man who will take me to a first-class restaurant everyday just for a date. It would mean so much to me if he will take me to a basketball game of my favorite PBA team.

I’m not looking for a man who will dance with me after a candle-lit dinner. Dancing in the rain, arms held up high & laughing to our heart’s content would be nice & fun.

I’m not looking for a man who will bring me to the highest building in town just to see the city lights below the busy Metropolitan streets. If he will take me to a place where I can clearly see the stars scattered beautifully up in the sky & he’s ready to lie beside me for stargazing, I will go with him.

I am looking for a man who will take me as I am… the one who will wipe away my tears with his kisses, even if the cause of it are those of the silliest things.

I am looking for a man who will hug me from the back as if afraid to let me go… the one who’s not afraid to admit that he can’t live a single day without me.

I am looking for a man who will admit at times that I can be stronger than he is… the one who is supportive, understanding & humble, not an egotistical male chauvinist pig.

I am looking for a man who’s brave enough to cry in front of me, much more in front of other people… the one who’s not afraid to show others than he can be weak, that crying means he’s stronger than anybody else.

Most of all, I am looking for  a man who will stand up and fight for what he truly feels… the one who will prove his worth and shows his real intentions to me and my family. He can be a past love, a friend, a colleague. Or perhaps, he can be a stranger from the other end of the world, waiting for us to meet.

And I am looking forward to the day that we’ll cross each other’s paths… maybe someday but not today.

“Mr.Simple” is to “Less is More”

“Less is more.” This is a philosophy in Architecture wherein the simplicity of a structure is much appreciated and well recognized. And seeing the MV of Super Junior’s “Mr.Simple} earlier today, I can’t help but associate it to the MV.

The simplicity of the MV speaks volume.

I feel like looking at a beautiful structure painted in monochromatic hue. Clean & regal.Although the album concept was grand & colorful, the MV was far from it. It’s simple. Just black & white. And even if other fans says it’s somewhat “recycled”, we can’t deny the fact that Super Junior really do look GOOD & effortlessly HOT  in Black & White concepts.

If SMe used the concept of the album cover itself, do you think it will turn out the way it did now? I don’t think so… coz if the MV was in colorful mood, we won’t be able to focus our eyes on the boys themselves. Our eyes will always be caught on the vibrant atmosphere of the video if SMe put the album concept to life. Right?

The simplicity of the MV makes it more appealing to the eye of fan & non- fan themselves. And I bet my life, all ELF around the world keep replaying the MV! Just like what I am doing right now 

AWAKENING

I am the kind of girl who falls in love so easily. That was before… when your own young heart believes in fairy tales, prince charming and most of all, happy endings. But people do change… maturity and reality has taken its toll on me. I’d like to think I become wiser on dealing with problems of the heart while I was growing up but from time to time, we can’t really escape the feeling of being hurt at times. I don’t want to say I become bitter but instead, become wiser… although sometimes, people around me told me I am become one.

Ever since I know the meaning of the word “crush”, it’s been hitting me so fast like a bullet aimed at my heart. But realizing all of it now and being a mature person I like to think that I am, using that word was only meant for young girls. Mine would be “infatuation”… more of admiration… a deeper feeling from crush but a lesser one from love. Only that it hurts much deeper than love because they are special people who happen to be in your life but don’t belong to you. I never did learn any lesson from it from past experiences… one can’t blame a stubborn heart, right? Especially when your mind won’t cooperate with what your heart was saying… it only creates havoc in your whole being and at the end of the day you just give up on arguing with yourself and just give in or people would think you’re going crazy for talking to yourself.

My friends know all about those special people who happened to occupy my heart and mind from the very beginning. From a childhood friend who will never ever know that he was so dear to me because we part ways when he learned the difference between a girl and a boy and abandoned the friendship we had just because he don’t want to play with me anymore. To a neighbor who courted me, only to be deceived from believing that he really liked me when the truth is, he was my best friend’s boyfriend. I lost my first “boyfriend” and I lost my best friend because of a bet but I have forgiven them a long time ago. Then, to several classmates along my school years from elementary to high school… maybe it was really my fault falling for a friend when that friend of yours happened to like one of your best gal pals. I never did learned, really, even when I was in college. The only consolation I keep telling myself whenever I feel nostalgic about it was that at least I experienced the feeling of “falling in love”… unrequited love… that will always be my case.

A close friend would always tell me it’s martyrdom on my part. Giving up when the battle haven’t even started yet… but how can I win from the battle when I know from the very beginning that I will lost in the end? Those special people have already chosen their partners, and that was not me. It may be a dear, dear friend or a colleague or just random person who happens to be more likeable than me. But there are cases in the past that we both feel the same thing or so I like to think. The problem was that I don’t have the guts to say it to him for it would ruin the friendship we had. Or that it’s just a figment of my imagination that what I see from his eyes and the way he cares for me was he liked me too. Or that I’m just a coward. I don’t know and it will always be regret on my part. Every time I think about it, what ifs and maybes are bugging me… and I will never know the answer to all of it. They have move on already and they are all happy. I just wish that someday I can be happy too. After all the heart aches and regret my heart has been to, I somehow didn’t believe in love anymore. Call it bitterness or cynical, I won’t mind… it’s all in the past.

A special angel brought me back to my senses and made me believe in love again. Hope, really do, springs eternal. If one day, my heart beats for a specialperson again, though I’m quite sure it already did, I’ll gladly accept it and make it real. Not that the person who awakens my heart again isn’t a real one, coz he is. It’s just that he’s so high and I can’t reach him. And now that I am old enough to know the difference between reality from fantasy, and love from admiration… that certain feeling for this man was far from pure love. Yes, it is love but this kind of love I feel for him was out of respect and admiration for a man who happens to awaken a numb heart… that when the heart beats again, she saw his beautiful smiling face and made her believe that love never abandon her. She just had a long rest from the weariness and pains life has brought her and now that she’s alive again and rejuvenated, she’s stronger and wiser than before. And she’s ready to fall in love again… in time and if there’s someone out there who will give his heart to her.

A DREAM… SOON TO BE REALITY…

9:00 in the morning, I suddenly woke up… and the first thing I saw when I open my eyes was Leeteuk’s face. I always have this big picture of him posted on my bedroom wall and every night, before I went to sleep, I’ll look at it and said goodnight. Weird, right? Oh well, what would you expect from a bias or a SuJu fan like myself? ^^

I don’t know why this morning felt different. I grab my cellphone and start to play a song that I just got from my sister yesterday. It was Parokya ni Edgar’s (a legendary OPM band) Pangarap Lang Kita featuring Ms. Happee Sy’s (now Mrs. Vernon Go^^) voice, she’s the producer of Super Show here in Manila. I was listening to the song while looking at Teuk’s face and a favorite line from one of my favorite local paperback romance writer kept ringing inside my head. She wrote this quote on one of her novels which is about a girl who fell in love with one of the members of a rock band. The friend of the girl said this line to her: “Hindi ka kayang mahalin ng isang pangarap lang…” (“A dream can’t love you back…”). With the words ringing in my head and the song playing over and over again in the background plus the face of the man my heart beats for staring back at me, train of thoughts suddenly filled my head.

I know for a fact that he can’t like or love me back for many reasons my mind could think of. One, I’m just one of his millions of fans. Two, I’m here in my own country and he’s in Korea. And even if I live in the same place as his, will there be a possibility that he will notice me from so many girls around him? Three, I know I’m beautiful in my own way but I don’t think I’m his type of girl. So on and so forth. But like I always tell to myself, “There’s no harm in dreaming.” So I kept on dreaming even if reality was already in front of me, biting me like a snake. Until this morning, my mind flashed this in front of me… I WANT TO SEE HIM, PERSONALLY. Why?

I want to see him, personally, not because I want to seduce (LOL) him into liking me back. Or stalk him like a fan should do to their idol. I just want to see him because I want to know if what I feel for him is real. I want to know if my heart will beat so hard like the way it always did whenever I see his face on t.v. or pictures. I WANT TO KNOW IF WHAT I FEEL IS REAL. I may sound like a delusional fan, but I know the score. I am not. I just want to be free from the aching but wonderful feeling that envelopes my whole being ever since I started to notice him. I want to fall in love with a real man, not that I’m saying he’s not real or anything.  A real man whose going to love me back and accept me for who I am. A real man whom I can spend my whole life with and I can touch and feel his warmth. Do you get what I mean?

I don’t when I’ll be able to see him personally. Maybe next year, before he enlist the army or maybe after two to three years, when he goes out of the army. I don’t really know. Only time will tell but one thing I’m sure is that I’m really going to see him even if it takes years before that happen. I still have to finish my studies and work for a living so I can save money for travelling abroad. I still have to prioritize my career and family. Love can wait. For now, dreaming of him is the only way to cope up with what I am feeling right now.

A dream can’t love me back, I know. But just like what the heroine in the novel I’ve read, I can always make my dream possible. Who knows, when the time comes I finally go to his place, a miracle might happen? Maybe the dream will stay a dream and then I’ll move on with my life…or maybe it will turn into a reality…just maybe…

What is E?What is L?What is F?

I’m not a folklore creature with those pointed ears and white bearded face. I’m not a fairytale character who lives in a tree house with a damsel in distress. I’m not a mystical creature living in the dark and have magical powers. I’m just a normal human being who lives peacefully here in this world. I eat, I sleep, I breathe and live or die. I smile, I laugh, and I can get hurt and cry. But the only thing that separates you from me is, I have 15 special men in my life.

I’m proud of their great leader who always wears his angelic smile. I admire their sub leader who’s never afraid to be always true to his self. I respect the Chinese man who stand up and defend his decisions in life. I love the art-like voice of their weird but talented guy. I believe in the strength of the “most handsome man” to stand up and face his flaws. I’m amazed of the cuddly bear that got the “moves”. I cherish the many sides of the pumpkin guy who’s not ashamed to admit he loves pink. I care for the crying baby monkey who shows the world his unique gummy smile. I am moved with every tear that falls from the prince-charming guy. I bow down to the guy with many gestures for his strong faith in God. I’m not losing hope that the man with the beautiful smile will come back. I love how the “eternal magnae” takes care of his hyungs with his cooking skills. I like how the magnae “plays” the role of a hyung and never afraid to show his evil mature side. I look up to the chic man who never back down from detractions. And I find the musical child genius who wears his cute puffy cheeks so irresistible; fifteen normal humans but multi-talented men that I hold dear inside my heart.

I may not have super powers like the mystical creature my name associates with, but I can do better than that. I can spread love and friendship all over the world because I believe in these 15 men… because I believe that we are ONE. And one thing I assure you is that I promise to stand up beside them no matter what the future have for both of us. That I promise to hold on to the vow I made; to protect the bond between us until the world is covered with Sapphire Blue balloons.

Wondering who am I? I go by the name of ELF, an Ever Lasting Friend of Super Junior. Nice to meet you 

DWENDE o KABUTE? Alin ka sa dalawa?

Badtrip ako after makapanood ng Rated K sa ABS-CBN kaya naman naglabas ako ng sama ng loob sa text dahil wala akong internet sa ngayon. Marami akong nakakwentuhan na kapwa ELF, yung iba pare-pareho kami ng opinion, yung iba hindi at nirerespeto ko yun. Pero may particular topic akong nabuksan, yun ay yung mga klase ng ELF ngayong mga panahon na ito at isa sa mga kausap ko ang nagbigay sakin ng ideyang ito dahil narin siguro pareho kami ng pananaw.

Base na rin sa mga nakikita at nakakausap ko, sa facebook, twitter, tumblr, forums o sa personal man, eto lang ang napansin ko sa mga kapwa ko ELF, international at Pinoy, may dalawang klase pala ng ELF. Pero dahil Pinoy ako, magfocus muna tayo sa mga Pinoy ELF.

May 2 klase ng ELF sa Pilipinas:

1. DWENDE- Pinoy translation ng elf. Sila ang mga hardcore Pinoy ELF, yung klase ng ELF na kahit anong mangyari sa SuJu ay nandyan lang palagi, handang sumuporta , moral man o pinansyal. Sila din yung tipong tanggap lahat ng kahinaan at kalakasan ng bawat miyembro ng Super Junior. Iiyak pag umiiyak ang isa, masaya pag masaya sila, yung iba nga tatawanan pa yung member pag nakakatawa na yung pinaggagawa nila. Pero kahit mukang tanga na sila minsan sa kung ano-anong kalokohan na ginagawa nila sa sarili nila, tanggap na tanggap ng mga DWENDE ang lahat. A TRUE BLUE ELF ika nga. Isama na natin sa kategoryang ito yung mga official fans club sa Pinas na talaga namang napakasipag at dedicated sa Super Junior dahil sa mga fan project at kung ano-ano pa. Sobrang nakakabilib silang mga DWENDE J

1. KABUTE- Pinoy translation ng mushroom. Sila naman ang mgaoccasional ELF, yung klase ng fan na sumusulpot lang pag trip nila, kabute nga kasi. Maraming naglipanang ganitong klase ng fan ngayon, pansin ko lang. Sila yung mga klase ng “ELF” na nagpaparamdam lang pag may nangyaring maganda sa SuJu o di naman kaya e makikisali sa kasiyahan ng kapwa daw nila ELF, masabi lang na ELF din sila. Pero madalas, sila yung mga tipo na may konti lang na pinagdadaanan ang SuJu o ang fandom e nega (negative) na agad at aalis ng fandom tapos babalik pag humupa na ang tension at masaya na ang lahat. Isama pa yung mga “fans club” na biglang litaw at nakakapampagulo lang doon sa mga official fans club. Hindi ko alam kung nagpa- power trip lang sila o sadyang hindi lang talaga sila tunay na ELF.

Gusto kong papaniwalain ang sarili kong mas marami pa rin ang bilang ng mga kapwa ko DWENDE kaysa sa mga KABUTE. Na mas marami pa rin ang TRUE BLUE ELF kaysa sa mag OCCASSIONAL ELF lang. Na ang mga KABUTE ay pwedeng maging DWENDE pero ang DWENDE ay wag naman sanang maging KABUTE.

So, ikaw, alin ka sa dalawa? 

DIMINISHING SAPPHIRE BLUE LIGHT?

MAY 29, 2011, 8 PM. An episode all about Korea aired on one of the programs of a local network here in the Philippines. It’s fun, entertaining and educational since we have learned so much about the colorful culture of Korea. And one of the topics they tackle was the Korean Pop culture.

We all know that Korean music and entertainment has invaded the lives of not just Asian people but even those Americans & Europeans. Korean dramas were shown on local channels whether it is subbed or dubbed and everybody’s hooked on it. Korean music invaded the local music industry even though we don’t understand any word they were singing. But maybe that’s the magic of it, the mystery of its language and the feeling it brought to the audience, young or old it might be.

But what caught my attention was one of the highlights of the program, the music industry of Korea, specifically the KPOP idol groups. And one of them is Super Junior. You can’t blame a fan for noticing a thing, good or bad it might be, about their idols, right?

The host particularly said that this idol group is not active and famous in their own country. I don’t want to sound like a butt-hurt fan coz frankly even before I got into the fandom, I already know that Super Junior was not as famous as they used to be, but what hurt this fan’s heart was that they didn’t thoroughly researched the facts. Sure, Super Junior was not as famous as 2PM or other younger idol groups in Korea but still, they already established their band in the entertainment industry and they were now conquering America and Europe. Individual members of Super Junior even have established their own names in the industry as MCs, DJs, theater actors, composers, television hosts, product endorsers and entertainers. Is that what they call not famous? Not even half it was done by other group who’s more famous than them now.

They were not as famous as other groups not because they lack of fans and such but because of the competition in the Korean music industry due to the new groups sprouting like mushrooms. And this new groups look up to them as inspiration and as parameter for success because of what they have become all these years and their numerous achievements. Fans should know about it but sadly it’s not. Because of this program, I saw what some fans really are, to think that they are with SuJu longer than I am and that’s what really hurts me.

Fine, I was still new in the fandom, considering that I got into this just last year 2010, but even before I got into the fandom, I know for a fact that they are not as famous as they were way back when they debuted up to 2009 during Sorry, Sorry days. I know for a fact that they are getting older and, that sooner or later, they will gradually be inactive in the industry. But these things didn’t stop me from getting into the fandom. Why? Because of one particular thing that I saw between the idol group and their fans. Love.

I got lured into the fandom because of the strong bond between Super Junior and ELF. It was like having older brothers and sisters. A family. It was so pure and magical that I couldn’t believe it in my own eyes until I accepted it in my life. But where’s the fandom I know? The fandom that I believe will always be there for SuJu and for each other? Just because Super Junior was not famous as they used to be, fans will start to back away? I know not all ELF are like that but we can’t deny that there are really some who’s doing this kind of stuffs. Some fans backing away from the fandom and the idols they profess their undying love & loyalty just because they are getting old and started to be less famous. Some fans start to care less when they find other groups more famous than SuJu. I don’t want to believe that the Sapphire Blue light is diminishing….

I want to believe that there’s more ELF who will still be there for Super Junior when they become Super Senior. I want to believe that when Super Junior members part ways and do their own thing, ELF will still support each member on whatever they decide to do with their individual lives. I want to believe that ELF will keep the fire burning. I want to believe that ELF will keep their promise to cover the world with Sapphire Blue balloons. I want to believe that even if the fandom might dissolved and so is the group they cherished, ELF will continue what they have established, the love for each other. I want to believe that Super Junior and ELF are still family, that we are still ONE.

Even if things become like this, I want to believe that our bond is still strong……. Because that’s the fandom I know… that’s the fandom I got into… that’s the fandom I want to grow old with…

IS IT JUST A JOKE OR A BAD CASE OF BEING A FAN?

As a fan girl, it’s okay to say that your bias is your boyfriend, your husband or whatever you want them to be. It’s understandable since you are a fan but claiming and branding them as your own is another matter especially if you are threatening the lives of other fans.

I’m not into ELF text clan but I have friends from the fandom who got my number from forums and such, which was fine with me coz we have the same interest, Super Junior. And it’s been like a month ever since I’ve been in touch with other ELF through text messaging. It’s fun getting to know them more through it, but lately, I’ve been bothered by something.

At first, it was just one ELF who keeps texting that kind of group message saying things like she doesn’t want other ELF who has the same bias as her to text her. I thought it was okay thinking she was just jealous and it wouldn’t bother me anyway coz we have different bias. But then it gotten somehow disturbing when she started saying things like her bias was hers alone and worst was she mentioned killing whoever claims her bias, not just once but every time she send a group message. Is that a joke or what? Coz if that was a joke, it’s not funny at all.

As her fellow ELF and unnie, I did try to understand her since she was way younger than me. But it really disturbs me when other young girls like her do the same thing. One girl doing that, even if it’s a joke or whatever, is tolerable but when they become 2 or more, it’s quite alarming. Alarming because it’s not only that they threaten the lives of other fans, though I know she don’t have the guts and means to do it, but also their own lives when they keep saying they’ll commit suicide. And other fans really did it right? Why? I don’t get it.

There’s no harm in dreaming but sometimes you have to wake yourself up to pull you back to reality. You are not the only person in this world who happens to like him. There are so many fans out there who happens to like your bias too and you all have the right to claim them as your boyfriend or husband.  You can’t just stop and say to others not to like them. We all have equal rights. I don’t think a fan would like to be known as a delusional, obsessive, deranged one.

I MISS HIM :(

Another Day…Another Year…

April 21, 1988…a baby girl was born a day before her mother’s own birthday…her father kept saying she’s a birthday present from God…she was pampered since she’s the first born…went to exclusive school and all that…and she’s thankful…

thank you God for another year added in my life…and this year seem to be different…well aside from the fact that my birthday falls on holy week and we won’t be able to celebrate fully…but its different in a sense that i feel like i’m celebrating it with lots of people i barely knew…

i’m really thankful to those well-wishers whom i only know in cyber world…you manage to change my life and i’m glad i’m part of your world and vice-versa…we might not know each other in the real sense of the word but i want you all to know how thankful and grateful i am…

to the fandom i’m into…ELF ,kamsahabnida!saranghae!^^

The Prophecy

Mayan End Age 12-21-2012

“An Apocalypse (Greek: “lifting of the veil” or “revelation”) is a disclosure of something hidden from the majority of mankind in an era dominated by falsehood and misconception, i.e. the veil to be lifted.” — Wikipedia

“Both the Hopis and Mayans recognize that we are approaching the end of a World Age… In both cases, however, the Hopi and Mayan elders do not prophesy that everything will come to an end. Rather, this is a time of transition from one World Age into another. The message they give concerns our making a choice of how we enter the future ahead. Our moving through with either resistance or acceptance will determine whether the transition will happen with cataclysmic changes or gradual peace and tranquility. The same theme can be found reflected in the prophecies of many other Native American visionaries from Black Elk to Sun Bear.” — Joseph Robert Jochmans

cr: http://www.adishakti.org/mayan_end_times_prophecy_12-21-2012.htm

2012 is not the end of the world…its the beginning of a NEW AGE…maybe what’s happening around the world is Mother Nature’s way to let us know that she’s starting to clean herself…and that we, humans, are part of this process…we can’t escape nor avoid it coz everything is planned by God…all we have to do is wait for the day that it will happen and embrace it wholeheartedly…even if we are not ready and never will…