Of #TeamGenAd, Disappointments & What Not’s

Kpop Republic Concert.

When the news broke out a few months ago, that EXO & Shinee along with DalShabet will be in Manila by September, I’d be lying if I’ll say I wasn’t thrilled to see them. But realizing how costly the tickets were, I was having doubts... especially when they announced that only EXO-K will get to perform.

Don’t get me wrong, okay? I like EXO in general, but I like M members more than K’s. I have nothing against EXO-K but if your bias is in M, would you still go to a concert where you don’t get to see them? I don’t know about the others but for me, it’s a big NO. So the doubts I was having, after the announcement, came into a full-blown decision. I won’t watch the concert.

I won’t be going... even if I want to see Onew & Minho & the rest of Shinee members. I won’t be going because Yixing wasn’t there... Luhan wasn’t there... Xiumin wasn’t there... EXO-M wasn’t there. I won’t be going... because I have to save more money for Super Show 5... That it’s more important than all reasons combined. But things changed as September approaches...

Probably because, I was reading too much KaiSoo (Kai & Kyungsoo otp) fanfics... or the fact that Sehun was the 1^st EXO member I get to like (which is a history now, lol)... or probably because, Baekhyun... Byun Baekhyun was calling out for me! He was bugging my mind for quite some time now & the curiosity of seeing him in person was an understatement.

So, I bought a General Admission ticket on the same day of the concert & 6 hours before it starts (September 7, 2013; 7:30 pm). I was with friends. And by the time we enter the venue, I was in... I don’t know. I can’t pinpoint what to call the emotions I was having the moment we sat on the bleachers of the gen ad section. The only clear thing I have in mind was that, it won’t be going the way a concert should be. Why?

We were in gen ad, so you’d get the full view of the rest of the venue... Gen Ad was PACKED. But the Upper Box has seats that were not occupied... so was the Lower Box section, which has more empty seats. And the Standing Area? You can run around and do cart-wheels without so much difficulty... enough said. The fun side of it was, we were joking around saying that the Team GenAd should occupy the empty seats... but yeah, wishful thinking.

The lights went off and the crowd’s gone wild. It was a good thing though because it compensates the dreadful feeling I was having in my mind seeing that the artists would be disappointed if they spotted lots of empty seats. And Philippine fans are good at hyping up a concert. Henry Lau can attest to that... because we are Laud loud. People outside the concert venue could probably hear the screams that filled the dome.

Definitely no dead air. Even when the front act, Crispi Crunch & Soomin of April Kiss, performed, the crowd was having a blast. It feels like you’re in a club with the strobe lights dancing around you and the performers were just having a good time onstage interacting with fans. I don’t know anything about the duo of Crispi Crunch nor Soomin but I was amazed with them especially the duo. Their rapping skills were awesome and they can speak English. And when the front act left the stage & DalShabet went out on the platform, you could tell the difference. The crowd was louder... you could even hear the cheers of the fanboys. I also don’t know anything about DalShabet, but they were good and their leader (not sure though but since she was the 1^st to talk I assumed she’s the leader) can speak English too. It was near the ending of the performance of Crispi Crunch & Soomin that I realized something... and it wasn’t good. Which became worst when Dal Shabet performed and by the time EXO & Shinee came out on their respective performances.

It was the technical problem... a lot of it... from the lightings to the sound system.

First and foremost, I’m not an expert when it comes to technical stuff but I’m speaking out of experience. The lightings were okay, it’s just that the way they operate it was the problem. There were times that the lights were on when it shouldn’t be and vice-versa. I don’t know... maybe they didn’t do some technical run-down before the concert began? And the sound system... It’s given that the crowd were screaming their hearts out but if I’ll based it on other concerts I’ve watched, even if the fans were so loud, if the equipment were functioning well, you can still hear whatever the artists were saying despite the language and what not’s. But it wasn’t the case during the Kpop Republic concert. And when I told a friend beside me, she said that it was the same case during the DKFC event last January. Apparently, the team behind Dream Kpop Fantasy Concert was the same team for Kpop Republic. Well, I guess, they didn’t learn their lesson, did they? Or else I won’t bother writing this one. And don’t let me start with what happened before the concert. I’m not in the right position to blurt out the things that happened during the “press conference”. All I can say is that, if the concert was quite a fail... the presscon was a total disaster. I just hoped that foreign fans won’t take it against us coz not all press conferences were like that. And that the artists will just let it slide and forget about it and just focus on how the crowd was all having a good time during their performances.

Clearly, I wasn’t disappointed with the artists who performed. Even if Minho wasn’t there and I only get to see Onew (& the rest of Shinee)... even if it’s only half of EXO and no Yixing nor Luhan or Xiumin... the energy of the fans and the artists kept me in my seat. So were my friends I’m with... they’re a great help or else I won’t enjoy it as much as I enjoy looking at Wu Yifan’s masterpieces.

#GetWellSoonYixing

I was online since 3pm yesterday...I  was reading fanfics just because I'm bored and playing candy crush on fb’s no fun anymore... but my tweetdeck’s still noisy... all because EXO appeared on Show Champion to perform Wolf... streaming links were posted by various EXO fansites so as to help other fans who wants to see them perform...

I was too absorbed reading fics and I wasn't really in the mood to stream... plus the fact that my net connection’s crappy when it comes to streaming... I don’t know if I should be happy that I didn't watch them perform live at that same moment or not? Coz they won their 4^th win... and I didn't get to see them receive the award on the spot... but still I was.. I am happy... I am proud of them... I even switched to my twitter accountt for a minute just to trend #EXO4thWin and continued my reading...but then...

#GetWellSoonYixing & other posts regarding Lay was popping out of my lappy’s screen... I was distracted.. I switched my asianfanfic tab to my twitter... and there it goes...

Lay got injured during the performance... and he apologized to fans.

Goddamnit!

I clicked the youtube clip but I didn't play it.. I prolonged the agony of watching him get hurt because I can't bear it... 5 long hours had past when I got the courage to watch it... and I wish I didn't...

He did really slipped... and he was not performing the way he used to be... pain was evident in his face... his movements... even in his voice when he sang his part...  at some point, he was biting his lips, obviously from so much pain...

I may sound a bit dramatic here but hell! I can’t stop my tears from falling as I watch him struggle to continue performing on stage even if the pain was killing him... and damn him and his pure heart for apologizing to fans for his lacking.

I know he can’t read & understand this and even get to see this post but what the heck!

Yixing...please, stop apologizing. It wasn't your fault. It’s an accident.  Much as we like to see you perform like a wolf.. a beast.. a dancing machine... your health is much more important. They said that unicorns can heal people... but you can't heal yourself right? So please...Get well soon, my lovely unicorn.

credits as tagged

That Certain Feeling

Like a déjà vu...

It probably started with my fascination towards finding out who sang my favorite line on EXO's Angel. I was convincing myself it was Lay's. I searched for fancams of their live performances on youtube. I found some and my question was answered...

It wasn't Lay... it's Luhan's voice.

I hate his eyes... it freaks me out...

I hate his stare... it sends chill down my spine...

I hate his smile... there was just something wicked behind those lips...

But...

I heard his voice... his SOULFUL voice...

And I know I'm doomed for the rest of my life.

The boy who didn't even get a tiny bit of my attention...the boy I disliked coz of his creepy eyes and stares... have a voice of an angel.

Maybe because I made it as my lullaby, that when one morning, I found myself wandering why I dreamed of Luhan.

And one thing lead to another..

He must have tread on the path Leeteuk walked on... the path that's says "the more you hate, the more you love"... coz he just made it to my namja neomu yeppeo list and Yixing isn't really happy about it. XD

CAUGHT IN A TRAP

Four years...

For 4 years, I thought I was okay... that I was fine... that I had moved on... that Super Junior have managed to make me forget... the regret, the pain, the face. That loving 15 men, even if they were so far away, was better than loving a person who was there by your side but never really sees you... that liking 15 men would compensate everything.

But I never imagined that one of them will bring back the past that I thought I have overcome...

Biting my lips... feeling that nauseous sensation as tears slowly forms in my eyes. A moment later, I found myself wiping those salty tears as they fall on my cheeks... just because Henry Lau made me feel things I shouldn't be feeling anymore...

Bittersweet memories that I thought I have forgotten a long time ago... blurred faces becoming clear once more... and the wound that I thought have healed seemed to open once again... all because of that one song.

I could just close the player and walk away... I could just turn off my laptop and get myself busy reading books or even watch tv... but no...If only I could just stop torturing myself, I would... but I can’t... not when I’m trapped with Henry’s voice.

TOO ABSORBED FOR MY OWN GOOD

It probably started when I was hunting/searching for live performances of EXO-M for their song Angel (Into Your World)...

It was because I was trying to find fancams focusing on Lay so that I can convince myself that it was his voice and not Luhan’s that singing my favorite lines. But one thing lead to another... it was either few fancams offers Lay focus or I was just having a bad luck finding one. So I settled with a video close to what I was searching for.

It was their performance during KCon where they sang History & Angel... and my feels just went at its highest...

No offense meant to Tao bias who might read this but hell! I can’t stop laughing of how awkward he danced during his part. It was cute though & I can’t help but think that he’s like Siwon in some ways, in dancing I mean... (Thank goodness, he wasn’t like that anymore with their comeback. He was really good in their WOLF performance.) And I was surprised on how my eyes followed Kris most of the time. It must be his husky voice... I really find his rapping skills & drawl so sexy. I can’t even describe how I feel whenever I hear his bedroom-like voice. *sigh*

And so the part I was waiting for came... it was their Angel performance that came next...

Chen was just really awesome... his vocal prowess was just great for the lack of the right word to describe it. I can clearly imagine him singing OST’s in the future like Yesung. And Xiumin should have longer lines/parts, as well as Lay, for they were not just good in dancing but singing as well. And yeah, Luhan, sang my favorite lines.

It wasn’t Lay but Luhan...

They somewhat have the same voice range so I was really confused. And as much I don’t want to admit it, Luhan and his smile while singing that ballad caught me off-guard. He was like emitting good feels that I found myself smiling while indulging myself with their voices. But don’t get me wrong, okay?!?!

Lay will always be my namja neomu yeppeo #1 in EXO. It’s just that great singers are one of my weaknesses... and Luhan proved to be one of them. He has that “something” in his voice... and the way he sings was really unique. It wasn’t that kind that’ll give you goosebumps or whatever. The way he delivers the songs was like he was acting in a melodrama... full of emotions. I guess, SOULFUL must be the right word for it.

I was too absorbed with Luhan (& Kris) that my eyes were having a hard time finding its way back to Yixing. But it’s good though... knowing that these kids boys are on the right track towards success just like their SJ hyungs.

Into Your World

All along, I thought, Super Junior songs, especially their ballad ones, can moved me. But I was wrong...

It was hard. It was unexpected. And I found myself crying over it... the words, the melody... it was just too beautiful...

All along, I thought, Super Junior songs' the only one that can motivate the writer in me to make a fanfic... But I was wrong...

It was a coincidence. It was inevitable. And I found myself reading the new plot I have made in the middle of the night just to be sure I wasn't dreaming...

I wasn't... it was fitting... it was like the song was the fic's OST...and I realized, I was crying...

Tears just can't help but fall probably because the fic I was planning on posting after I'm done with the Donghae lead fic was Lay's story... and I'm just so overwhelmed with emotions I can't explain because it was like the song was made for it...

I was done with the plot, the characters, the genre...everything... when I found the song on youtube as I was writing my on-going fic... I was out of words...of ideas... & I decided to watch EXO perfs to kill time... hoping to get my mind on track... and switching to Youtube that moment was the best random thing I've done that time... or else I wouldn't get to find this...

It was one of the best ballad song I've heard in my life... not because it was EXO or Kpop... not just because hearing Lay's voice was too precious... not just because Chen blown me away with his vocal prowess... or Luhan's... or Xiumins'... but because the song was simply beautiful.

Beautiful wasn't even the right word to describe it... no perfect words can describe how I felt when I heard it & learned the lyrics...the meaning of the song. Addicted? Yes... I was drawn into their world.

And I just can't get over the goosebumps. I would have to play it over and over again.

OF SJ, BEAMS, ROOF & COLUMNS

Drawing. A skill. A hobby. A passion.

Ever since I was a child, it was the only thing I could do. As far as I can recall, I have a big supply of crayons, pencils & papers; even colored chalk and a black board. When I was in kindergarten, I was part of a national drawing competition for youngsters. I can’t exactly bring to mind how did that happen but I think my parents got me into it. I remember that incident where my father was training me even if there’s no power supply due to nationwide crisis. We literally burned the midnight oil just so I could secure a place and luckily I think the sacrifice paid off. I can’t recollect if I won the grand prize but if I’ll base it on the medal in the storage box and the big trophy I was holding in my childhood pictures, I think I did. The trophy wasn't in my possession though; my teacher brought it in her home according to my mother.

What did I draw back then? It was a house. A native house... a nipa hut (bahay kubo) to be exact, with all the fruits & vegetables that comes with it.

It was not my intention to take up Architecture, not until I was in high school. Whenever somebody ask me what I want to be when I grew up, I always tell them I want to be a Fashion Designer. Probably because when I was a child, I love playing with dolls, dressing them up & everything. But a person changes his/her mind as he/she grows up. I grew up. I didn't play with dolls anymore. Television became my playmate and watching cartoons & animes has been my past time (until now XD). And slam book has been a big part of a student, both elementary & high school, life. In the part where they’ll ask you what you want to take up, I find myself writing Fine Arts every time.

I was a big, big fan of anime and I was always imagining myself creating those characters. I even have a portfolio of my drawings of Dragon Ball, Sailor Moon, Ghost Fighter, Flame of Recca, Card Captor Sakura, Hunter X Hunter, Slam Dunk & other famous series that grazed the Philippine television back then. My portfolio was gone now coz I gave it to my nephew, but if I have spare time, I draw on my sketchpad.

I was entering my last year in highschool when we were told that we have a new subject. Although I did take that up when I was a highschool freshman in a special science highschool, I never really did take it seriously. But I have learned a lot from it that I used it as a tool when we were told that we have a Drafting subject. I was deeply immersed on it... maybe because our instructor was really good or maybe because it’s still drawing; the one thing that I really love doing. Then one day, my teacher approached me while we were working on a simple floor plan. He suddenly asked what will I take up in college and I said, “Architecture”. It was sudden but I feel so sure when I blurted it out. And when I look up to my teacher, he was smiling and said that I’ll be good in it.

It was one of the reasons why when I take up college entrance exams from different universities, Architecture was always my first choice. Although I failed to make it in UP due to the fact that it’s a quota course and I didn't even tried in UST coz of its high tuition, I did make it to TUP & PUP. But I chose PUP coz it’s economical. And Architecture is an expensive course with all the drawing materials needed for it and enrolling in a state university is practical.

Architecture is a 5 year course with a board exam after 2 years of working experience when you graduate. I thought it was easy, that my college life’s smooth sailing. But I was wrong. It took me 8 years to finish it. My family & friends blame it all to one thing. My distraction. Super Junior. But I never did, not even once. What they don’t understand is that SJ’s my savior... the driving force that will finally made me join the coming mid-year graduation.

Super Junior debuted in November 2005; I was in my 2^nd semester as a college freshman. I was not yet a fan. Even when 2006 came, as far as I can remember, I was still a fan of JPop (Arashi to be exact) & F4 of Taiwan was dominating the country like crazy. Then 2007 came. Although I’m still not yet a fan, it was the turning point of my college life. I failed the Architecture Qualifying Exam, an exam that will determine if a student should pursue the studies in the next year. It was like my dreams were shattered into pieces and I thought that I can’t be an Architect anymore. I cried... my friends cried coz we all thought it’s the end of the world. Fortunately, all those who failed will still be accommodated with the condition that he/she’s on probation and no more block section.

2008. I was separated from my blockmates/friends. I was always alone. I was more shy than I used to be. I don’t mingle much with my new classmates. I feel like an outcast. I find comfort watching music shows on cable channels. It was there that I saw this group in an MV. I don’t know their name but one thing that caught my attention, aside from the cute video, was that they are so many. And the song was spreading a happy mood. Then I saw them again in another music video, a very different one from the first I saw them with.

Whenever a fellow fan asks me how I became a Super Junior fan, I always tell them that it was through Neorago(It’s You) MV back in 2009. Although I first saw them in Haengbok (Happiness) MV then Don Don, I wasn't really into them as I've already explained in one of my entries. It was really the following year, the time they were slowly being recognized worldwide, that I can call myself a fan. And it was also the time I was starting to pick up the pieces of my college life. I started opening up & making friends with my new block mates. And I was back where I came from... I reunited with my former original blockmates. My 4^th year was a blast.

All along I thought it’s going to be the same the next year, but 2010 was not. It’s our final year and it only meant one thing, THESIS. I manage to come up with a proposal and luckily I somehow passed the 1^st deliberation during the 1^st semester. But I failed on the 2^nd semester and with that I became an irregular student. I won’t be able to graduate on time and that I have to spend another year for my thesis subject. That feeling I felt when I failed the AQE in 2007, came back all over again. I was depressed plus the fact that something came up in the family. 

That dreadful feeling that I won't be able to do the only thing that I love... that I'm good at... I feel like dying. It's like my breath was being sucked from me. And Super Junior was my escape from reality. I found comfort in their music even though I don’t understand any words their saying. And that’s when I knew I became not just a fan but an Ever Lasting Friend... an ELF.

2011. I have lost my desire... my dream of becoming an architect. I was so immersed in the fandom. Probably because I was new and it was the first for me, I’d spent almost 24/7 talking to fellow ELFs. But I was still attending classes for the 2^nd semester of my thesis subject just for the heck of it. My parents thought I was working on my project whenever I use my computer but I’m not. I have plenty of alibis whenever they asked what I’m doing and I’m not proud of it. My friends were disappointed to the point that they were scolding me to the core and I have to cut my communications to them. When my parents and friends found out what I’m into, they blame Super Junior for what I have become. But I never did. If there’s someone to blame, it was me.

For a year, it was like a tug-of-war between me & my fangirling versus my family & friends. I was distracted, yes, but it’s not the boys fault if I was carried away with the distraction. It’s my decision to be distracted... it was me who “ruined” my life... and although the people around me think otherwise, they have finally accepted the fact that I won’t give up on my new found love. And one of the things that the fandom & the boys taught me is to believe. Believe in myself and not give up easily... believe that miracles can happen and hope really springs eternal...

I found the courage to stand up from where I fell on. I started to pick up the pieces of my life, again. I found my way back to my dream... with the voices of 15 angels guiding me to it. God gave me Super Junior to show me the way back to my goal. It was because of them that I manage to face my ordeal... my last and only chance to fulfill my aspirations in life. It was them who stood by me during my sleepless nights making my floor plans. And if there’s a song that keeps me motivated all throughout those days and nights and all these years, its MIRACLE. The only song that automatically plays inside my head whenever I feel like something good’s happening or about to come. The song of my soul.

And now that I’m going to graduate and start a new chapter in my life where I’ll get to deal with real beams, columns and roofs and not just detailed drawings... I can hear it playing again. Life really couldn't get any better.

The Unexpected U...nicorn

"The only thing that should surprise us is that there are still some things that can surprise us."-Francois de La Rochefoucauld 

Funny how I have to eat my words that I won't like and won't have any other bias from KPop idol groups aside from Super Junior...but life sure is full of surprises.

A year. That's how long I've been away from the fandom & the cyberspace due to studies. I have to cut myself off from all of it to concentrate on my thesis. And probably because I know that there's nothing out there that can hold me back. Heechul's away. Jungsoo too. No reason for me to stay. Or so I thought.

That entire year felt like forever and the only thing that keep me sane was Donghae's face. He was like the only thing that made me stay in the fandom...just joking :) Even though Leeteuk & Heechul were missing coz of their army duties, I will always be an ELF. It's just that I have find myself smitten by Prince Lee Donghae...It was fun though. It never occurred to me that I'll find the other half of my fave otp, irresistible.

He always look good, cute, squishy, you name it...in my eyes, but I didn't paid that much attention to him coz I always see him as the other half of Eunhyuk. The EUNHAE couple. My favorite otp (one true pairing). So I was really having a hard time admitting to myself that I like him more than before. And Yesung was like "Why am I suddenly become your #5?" LOL!

The admission's the hard part but the realization of liking another man from the group isn't. Besides, what's the use of having 15 men in one group if you'll only like one?!? Just like the saying goes, "If the cat's away, the mouse will play." ㅋㅋㅋ So be it. It's the same group I love anyway. But unexpected things really do happen. The year that I was away was also the year another group from SM Entertainment debuted. 

EXO. A 12 member South Korean-Chinese boy band with 2 sub-groups, Exo-M & Exo-K. One man short from Super Junior with 13 members...2 men short from Super Junior with Zhoumi & Henry. Am I rattled?!?No... I'm way passed the stage where a fan should be pissed off with new group/s that'll threaten the status of the band he/she supports. I believe I'm mature enough to accept the fact that younger generations of idol group will come our way. It's how the entertainment industry works anyway, especially the KPop Music Industry.

When EXO has been the talk of the town, or rather the Kpop world, I wasn't really into it. Sure, I accept them wholeheartedly but I never paid attention to what and who are they. My eyes and my heart's glued only to SJ. But one particular event made me notice them for real. I won't elaborate on it..just read here...coz just remembering it makes my blood level high T_T

So yeah, I got curious with the group and then one day I found myself liking a particular member...Oh Sehun. I just found him way too cute with his "bbuing, bbuing" & that tounge of his. But as much as I want to indulge myself with EXO, I can't. Sure, I was searching infos & stuff, but I don't know why I can't seem to memorize or remember even half of what I've read. Even their faces were all blurred. Plus the fact that my thesis is more important than them.

I cut myself off from all of it...again. Thesis deadline was on the way that time & I have to focus. But then Christmas time came and it only meant one thing. Year-end performances from 3 major networks in South Korea. I told myself, "It's vacation so I have all the right to do anything." And so I did...or else  I wouldn't be able to revive my interest on EXO but this time it's not Sehun who caught my attention.

I'm a sucker for bedimpled boys/men... that's why I was blown away when I first saw Jungsoo...I'm very vocal about it right? And I thought it was only Leeteuk that could do that to me...but I was very wrong... The moment I saw the SM Performance unit performed Spectrum on SBS Gayo Daejun, I can't help but follow a certain guy.

Never in my wildest imagination that somebody can make me do what I did when I first saw Leeteuk. All along, I thought he's the first & last man that could make me feel something stir inside my heart. And it's so easy for me to admit to myself that I'm falling each and every day to this particular boy.

Lay. Zhang Yixing.

He's handsome for the lack of the right word to say about his almost perfect profile. He's uber talented. He composes songs. He plays the guitar & the piano. He dances really, really good. I can't even describe what I felt when I saw him in that performance. Donghae was there, but why did Lay have my eyes on him all the time?

I really can't pinpoint what it is...probably because his innocence got me...or the air of mystery that surrounds him...or maybe I'm just caught off-guard with his bedimpled smile, the way Jungsoo made me fall for him... or maybe he's just freaking awesome & talented & everything...I don't really know.

One thing I'm sure of is that, this wonderful feeling is unexpected. Maybe because mythical creature like a unicorn have the power to make a mere human feel this way.